My testimony.

I always say this week was the best week so far… but I think it’s because God knows what we need to hear and gives it to us.

The topic this week was on identity… The big question, “Who are you?”

Our teacher has us write on a paper in the beginning of the week describing who we are. I wrote down “Hi my name is Ashley, I am 21. I have 3 sisters in my family a mom and a dad. I am from America.” Let’s just say by the end of the week, the description of who I was, was totally different.

I grew up in a non-Christian home. My father was an alcoholic until around the age of 11, then got saved. Growing up I was missing that father figure. I would have friends but would never put myself out there to have them be close friends because I was afraid of being rejected. Growing up I tried to seek for attention in my family. In high school I would purposefully get in trouble not caring what the consequences were. I began having eating disorders, partying, and getting attention from men. Thinking if they thought I was beautiful, maybe I was. I would always wear makeup, always wear nice clothes, my looks were very important to me.

My senior year in high school I started modeling. After working with photographers I wanted something more to do, a bigger project. So I made a modeling account on a website and started connecting with photographers. I had found someone in California that was going to connect me to a top man there for modeling. I continued talking to him for months, called references, and found all the information about him and the company I could. Everything looked so real. I had my plane ticket and started to pack. A week before leaving, I had gotten an email from a girl off the same website. She had seen that I was going to leave for California the next week and asked if I had left yet. To NOT leave. The man had said that he was going to help her friend, doing the exact same thing as me, but she was drugged and sold into sex trafficking. The fear that took over my life after hearing this was huge. I never told the man I wasn’t coming; I just cut off all communication. I would constantly look over my shoulder to see if anyone was following me.

That same year I had gotten into a relationship, and moved into his apartment. The relationship became very abusive, verbally and physically. I had gone to my mom’s house one day in the year 2011 a couple months before she was leaving to Africa. We would read the bible in the mornings and have coffee. The word started flowing through my life, and after she had left I knew my life was changing. Slowly God was sanctifying me, and let me tell you it was an adventure. I was loosing friends, yet gaining new ones in Christ. I always remembered how Jesus was treated, betrayed, mocked; and yet was our king, our savior, our father. The thought of that would always encourage me.

The next year I had the opportunity to go on the same mission trip my mom did the year before and it totally changed my life around. After returning home all I could think about was Africa. The children, the random stories you were told, the relationships, those big brown eyes staring at you, the laugh’s you will never forget. I could not wait to come back to the country. The next year I was trying to find a way back to Africa any way I could. All I knew was that I wanted to go back. What I didn’t know, was that the reason why no other opportunity was working out because God had something planned much greater than just coming to Africa.

When I first heard God tell me to go to Africa for this DTS, I was terrified. I had 2 months to fundraise 6,000$ and I thought there was no possible way on earth that could happened. I found out that if God has a plan for your life, you better hold on tight because he will make it possible. I had enough money the time I left for my plane ticket, and that was all I needed to get to Africa, I knew God would send support for the rest. My intentions for coming were to do the classes, and enjoy the country. Oh how naive I was. I soon learned that the classes totally break you down, and then restore you back up. I learned that you can’t speak the word of God, unless you yourself, your life has also been changed.

 Looking back on everything that has happened in my life, I can’t help but praise God for the lessons he made me learn. The freedom he has now given me from my past, the chains that were holding me down, the bondage that I had has now been totally broken. The only thing that is able to come through is joy, peace, love. There is no price for the grace I have received.

This past week we learned about identity. To me my identity was on my looks, men, the choices that I’ve made, and being rejected/ always needed to be accepted. Oh how brainwashed we can be from such a young age. Being raised in a country where everyone is skinny and looking like Barbie’s. When in reality people don’t define us, the choices we make don’t define us, what defines us is our identity in Christ. Which is: We are righteous, justified, redeemed, seated with Christ, joyfully accepted, new creation, alive, holy-blameless, son/daughter, ambassador of Christ, citizen of heaven, temple, chosen, spiritual blessing, blessed-holy realms, forgiveness, royal priesthood, holy nation, born again, imperishable, eternal, and the list goes on and on. These are all things in the bible that it says WE are, as believers of Christ.

There was a story our teacher told us this week about a girl from last years DTS. She had gone back home to America, and the church she was going to was very conservative. During service God had told her,” I want you to go up on that stage and do a cartwheel in front of everyone.” She thought what she was hearing was ridiculous. NEVER would anyone get up on stage when the pastor is speaking. So she continued to tell God no and block out his voice to the point when he told her “Now! I want you to go now!” And she had to listen. So she goes over to the stairs, and gets up on the stage. The pastor is looking at her like what are you doing here. She then does a cartwheel, turns around and walks off the stage. The pastor then says, “Children these days.” And turns the sermon into a different direction. The girl went to sit back down in her chair, she put her head down for the rest of the sermon, completely humiliated and confused why God would make her do that. At the end of the Sermon some had came up to her, she thought now I’m going to get it. He said, “Hey why did you do that up there? I don’t believe in God. This was my first time at church, I was praying that if God didn’t make someone go up on stage and do a cartwheel by the end of my prayer, that I would leave and never go to church again.” God can use us in the most ridiculous ways, the question is, do we know his voice? And are we able to be obedient to his calling, even if it means we look like a fool?

 

It made me think, what is God calling me to do after DTS? Is it something that may frighten me, may sound stupid, may not make sense so I don’t want to do it? All I know is that God has called me here to soak up all the knowledge I can. To come back into America, into my own town, the neighborhoods I live in and make a difference. I have this vision in my mind, that at the time sounded ridiculous, but now has clarity.

Some quotes from this week that changed my thinking.
-There is no price you can put on the value and identity God gives us.
-God has called you to be an ambassador, to reach out to the lost, and bring them into the kingdom.
-Even if I’m terrified to go out on outreach, his grace is sufficient.
-We are fearfully and wonderfully made.
-I’m not calling you to save people, that’s my job. I’m calling you to tell people.
During the classes I learned to truly forgive my father, and relate to God as my father. I learned how to have a deeper connection to the Holy Spirit, and truly feeling the freedom, joy, grace, and peace from The Lord. I am so thankful for Him calling me here.