My testimony.

I always say this week was the best week so far… but I think it’s because God knows what we need to hear and gives it to us.

The topic this week was on identity… The big question, “Who are you?”

Our teacher has us write on a paper in the beginning of the week describing who we are. I wrote down “Hi my name is Ashley, I am 21. I have 3 sisters in my family a mom and a dad. I am from America.” Let’s just say by the end of the week, the description of who I was, was totally different.

I grew up in a non-Christian home. My father was an alcoholic until around the age of 11, then got saved. Growing up I was missing that father figure. I would have friends but would never put myself out there to have them be close friends because I was afraid of being rejected. Growing up I tried to seek for attention in my family. In high school I would purposefully get in trouble not caring what the consequences were. I began having eating disorders, partying, and getting attention from men. Thinking if they thought I was beautiful, maybe I was. I would always wear makeup, always wear nice clothes, my looks were very important to me.

My senior year in high school I started modeling. After working with photographers I wanted something more to do, a bigger project. So I made a modeling account on a website and started connecting with photographers. I had found someone in California that was going to connect me to a top man there for modeling. I continued talking to him for months, called references, and found all the information about him and the company I could. Everything looked so real. I had my plane ticket and started to pack. A week before leaving, I had gotten an email from a girl off the same website. She had seen that I was going to leave for California the next week and asked if I had left yet. To NOT leave. The man had said that he was going to help her friend, doing the exact same thing as me, but she was drugged and sold into sex trafficking. The fear that took over my life after hearing this was huge. I never told the man I wasn’t coming; I just cut off all communication. I would constantly look over my shoulder to see if anyone was following me.

That same year I had gotten into a relationship, and moved into his apartment. The relationship became very abusive, verbally and physically. I had gone to my mom’s house one day in the year 2011 a couple months before she was leaving to Africa. We would read the bible in the mornings and have coffee. The word started flowing through my life, and after she had left I knew my life was changing. Slowly God was sanctifying me, and let me tell you it was an adventure. I was loosing friends, yet gaining new ones in Christ. I always remembered how Jesus was treated, betrayed, mocked; and yet was our king, our savior, our father. The thought of that would always encourage me.

The next year I had the opportunity to go on the same mission trip my mom did the year before and it totally changed my life around. After returning home all I could think about was Africa. The children, the random stories you were told, the relationships, those big brown eyes staring at you, the laugh’s you will never forget. I could not wait to come back to the country. The next year I was trying to find a way back to Africa any way I could. All I knew was that I wanted to go back. What I didn’t know, was that the reason why no other opportunity was working out because God had something planned much greater than just coming to Africa.

When I first heard God tell me to go to Africa for this DTS, I was terrified. I had 2 months to fundraise 6,000$ and I thought there was no possible way on earth that could happened. I found out that if God has a plan for your life, you better hold on tight because he will make it possible. I had enough money the time I left for my plane ticket, and that was all I needed to get to Africa, I knew God would send support for the rest. My intentions for coming were to do the classes, and enjoy the country. Oh how naive I was. I soon learned that the classes totally break you down, and then restore you back up. I learned that you can’t speak the word of God, unless you yourself, your life has also been changed.

 Looking back on everything that has happened in my life, I can’t help but praise God for the lessons he made me learn. The freedom he has now given me from my past, the chains that were holding me down, the bondage that I had has now been totally broken. The only thing that is able to come through is joy, peace, love. There is no price for the grace I have received.

This past week we learned about identity. To me my identity was on my looks, men, the choices that I’ve made, and being rejected/ always needed to be accepted. Oh how brainwashed we can be from such a young age. Being raised in a country where everyone is skinny and looking like Barbie’s. When in reality people don’t define us, the choices we make don’t define us, what defines us is our identity in Christ. Which is: We are righteous, justified, redeemed, seated with Christ, joyfully accepted, new creation, alive, holy-blameless, son/daughter, ambassador of Christ, citizen of heaven, temple, chosen, spiritual blessing, blessed-holy realms, forgiveness, royal priesthood, holy nation, born again, imperishable, eternal, and the list goes on and on. These are all things in the bible that it says WE are, as believers of Christ.

There was a story our teacher told us this week about a girl from last years DTS. She had gone back home to America, and the church she was going to was very conservative. During service God had told her,” I want you to go up on that stage and do a cartwheel in front of everyone.” She thought what she was hearing was ridiculous. NEVER would anyone get up on stage when the pastor is speaking. So she continued to tell God no and block out his voice to the point when he told her “Now! I want you to go now!” And she had to listen. So she goes over to the stairs, and gets up on the stage. The pastor is looking at her like what are you doing here. She then does a cartwheel, turns around and walks off the stage. The pastor then says, “Children these days.” And turns the sermon into a different direction. The girl went to sit back down in her chair, she put her head down for the rest of the sermon, completely humiliated and confused why God would make her do that. At the end of the Sermon some had came up to her, she thought now I’m going to get it. He said, “Hey why did you do that up there? I don’t believe in God. This was my first time at church, I was praying that if God didn’t make someone go up on stage and do a cartwheel by the end of my prayer, that I would leave and never go to church again.” God can use us in the most ridiculous ways, the question is, do we know his voice? And are we able to be obedient to his calling, even if it means we look like a fool?

 

It made me think, what is God calling me to do after DTS? Is it something that may frighten me, may sound stupid, may not make sense so I don’t want to do it? All I know is that God has called me here to soak up all the knowledge I can. To come back into America, into my own town, the neighborhoods I live in and make a difference. I have this vision in my mind, that at the time sounded ridiculous, but now has clarity.

Some quotes from this week that changed my thinking.
-There is no price you can put on the value and identity God gives us.
-God has called you to be an ambassador, to reach out to the lost, and bring them into the kingdom.
-Even if I’m terrified to go out on outreach, his grace is sufficient.
-We are fearfully and wonderfully made.
-I’m not calling you to save people, that’s my job. I’m calling you to tell people.
During the classes I learned to truly forgive my father, and relate to God as my father. I learned how to have a deeper connection to the Holy Spirit, and truly feeling the freedom, joy, grace, and peace from The Lord. I am so thankful for Him calling me here.

Adventurous two weeks.

This past two weeks have definitely been a rough one, but the weeks
where I learned the most. One week was about hearing God’s voice, and
another was about sin. After these past couple weeks, my life will
never be the same.
I’ve had the worst cold for over a week. So during last week between
classes I was laying on my bed listening to Jason Upton and drinking a
sprite. God kept nudging me to tell the girl next to me in the room
how beautiful she is (she truly is gorgeous). So I tell her, “Hey
*******, you are so so beautiful, so keza”. Keza means beautiful. She
smiled so big, then stopped and said, “Women tell me bad word since 6
years old, stupid, ugly, women from church and home.” I could not
believe what she was telling me. This really opened my eyes to how
other people were raised. I reassured her how special she is, how she
is a daughter to the king, how she is bright, smart, and beautiful. We
ended up sitting next to each other in class for a while, so every
time one of us wasn’t looking we would write “I love you” in the other
persons journal.  Every once in a while I hear her call me her
daughter now. That is one thing that Rwandans have in common, they are
all so loving.
The other night I had gotten a call from a friend here in Rwanda. He
had told me that this family we were working with last time I was
here, the mother had passed away. It was just the mother and 5
children. She had HIV and cancer, was strong but what made her weak
was when she did fasting with her church. Immediately after hearing
the news I went to my room, to my bed, and broke down. My friend had
seen me and started asking everyone what they did to me. After we all
talked about it, we prayed for her and her family. I was thinking
about that family the other day, wanting to go visit her and her kids.
You never know how short your life may be. That night I heard the news
was the first night I thought, “why her God, why those kids.” The
first night in forever that I cried to sleep. When waking up the next
morning I did not want to go and do my quiet time at 6am, I wanted to
sleep. But as soon as I realized why I wanted to sleep, I then threw
my blankets off and ran upstairs just to be in The Lords presence. To
feel him, to speak to him, to hear from him. It’s amazing how truly
comforting he can be. We always say God is comfort, compassionate,
loving. But until you have a situation, an experience to where you
need to feel his embrace that is when you truly believe he is all of
those things. I realized I need to have that strong faith. Not the
“yes I’m a Christian” faith, life is too short for that. I need the
“if I die, today, I know where I am going. My relationship with God is
the fullest I can fulfill it at this time.”
While having quiet time the other day outside, I was just listening
for Gods voice. Waiting on him to speak to me. I then heard birds in
the air chirping so loud. I then heard God tell me “don’t worry.” He
placed a scripture into my mind Matthew 6:25-27. “Therefore I tell
you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or
about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than
food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of
the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your
heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” I then
became calm; not knowing where you are going next in life is hard. But
knowing that your life is in the hands of the creator, now that is the
best I can ask for.
Before coming here to Africa, my sister’s boss had a dream about me
and a lion. She used to be a pastor, and usually when she has dreams
they come true. But this dream was different. She said the lion was
with me in Africa, lying next to me, but not trying to harm me only
protect me. So the other day in class, one of the staff came up to me
during worship and said,” Ashley I just had a vision of you and a
lion, I know its random but maybe it means something?” Right away I
remembered that dream my sister’s boss told me about. Immediately I
felt his protection, and realized that I am here for a purpose. I
never thought that the lord would be breaking us down like this. But I
realized he’s putting us through all these things to qualify us for
the next level. (Like the no running water, toilets, or showers lol).
I am becoming such a changed person only after being here for four
weeks.
I was able to encounter The Lord at the weakest point in my spirit,
and I am so thankful for the new friends I have here at the base that
feel more like family.
Philippians 4:8,”Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is
noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think
about such things.”

Father Heart of God.

That was the main topic of this weeks lecture phase. Even through I have been in Bible College, I have never been more blessed through a teaching than what I have gone through this week. Our daily topics were this: Gods plan for the world, God as a perfect father, inner healing, Forgiveness, and Pronouncing a blessing.

Why did God create man and women? God wanted parents who would display His good and true characters. Who would show their children, be in God’s place, and show the love. God wanted to institute a family, a family with Godly children. Malachi 2:15. So our children would grow up willing to accept God, by you being good parents. The family was Gods ideal plan for wholesome human development. Where children would grow up knowing they are loved. Them being secure in who they are “Identity”. Where do I come from, where am I going to? Who they will be “destiny”. Their relationship “belonging”. You need to know where you belong. Some don’t have a family, and even though you don’t, that was not God’s plan. You need to belong to a body of Christ, church.

You need to be secure in who you are, who you will be, and secure in who you belong to. There was also many other reasons why we were created.

The speaker asked our class a question, that had stuck with me all week. Is EVERYTHING that happened to you the will of God? Think about it for a minute… We all have pasts, all have backgrounds, all have things that have happened to us. Some people in our class said yes, some people said no. This personally stuck out to me because I was in the middle. But God gave man the freedom of choice, even to be saved you have to make a choice. (Deut 30:15-19). He hates sin (Prov 6:16-19) Everything is not the will of God because he hates sin. God is hurt by our wrong choices (Gen 6:5-6). God allows certain things to happen though they are not his will (Luke 13:34; 19:41-44). God often uses the bad things to bring something good out of it. God can redeem your suffering.

My favorite topic though, was God as a perfect father. God is promising to be a good and perfect father. Romans 8:15, Psalm 27:10, 2 Cor 6:18 “I will be a father to you and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord almighty.” This is a powerful promise. It is up to us to take the promise or leave it. God wants us to see the Christ in our life. We need to receive the promise God has given us. The devil will say “you don’t pray enough, you don’t read enough.” But God still wants to be your father. The one with Everlasting, unfailing, unconditional love. Jesus died on the cross for our sins, but he also died on the cross for our pain. And wherever there is sin there is pain.

This week I have learned so many new concepts and ideas. One of them was everyone has gone through pain of some sort in there life. Everyone has a story and we need to comport and show that we care when someone opens up to us. The cries that you  hear from someone, of letting things go from there life, that is a sound you will never forget. I learned the power of letting things be free from yourself. “Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” This song has a whole new meaning to me now. Feeling the joy and weight lifted off me that I never knew was holding me down. Things can happen in our childhood and we just push them under the rug, burry them, and never want to go back through the pain of remembering. But once you do, and you truly give it to God, there is something special he does called healing.

 All of the pain Jesus went threw on the cross opened my eyes to see how he understands. That even when he was on the cross his father abandoned him. He died as a human on the cross, Jesus knows pain. I learned to not have your heart be like the dead sea, but to allow forgiveness to flow through you, as God has forgiven you. True forgiveness is long lasting, and by forgiving you are doing yourself a favor not the other person.

It is amazing what we learn in class. Thinking I was coming here to learn all this wisdom about the bible. But really they are breaking you down, building you back up, and filling you with wisdom along the way. This week is one I will never forget. Feeling new.

Isaiah 43:1-4 “But now, this is what the Lord says- he who created you, O Jacob, he who faormed you, O Israel, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have summoned you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. And when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the lord, your God, the Holy One of Isreael, your Ssavior, I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life.”

 

 

Our first week of class is over, and we are on to our second. This past week has really been a test to how far I will allow God to push me, and I can’t help but love every adventure that has followed.

Our schedule is very busy. Every day we are busy from 6am-8pm. The bible classes here are amazing. Every single thing this past week that the teacher said, there was a (if not more) scriptures to back it up. Not only learning principles but also the word. When rooming with 6 girls, you get to know every one pretty closely. I love the different cultures. One girl told me "Ashley you look very smart" to them smart means well dressed. I was so confused then laughed when she tried to explain. I expected to try and learn there language. What I wasn't expecting was her saying "Will you teach me English". Then last night one of the girls were sick. After spending some time with her, she asked me to help her make a facebook and an email.. Her laugh made it all worth it. Also, through out the day we have Intercession, where we all get together and pray. This to me is amazing, to wait for God to speak to you, and then speak through you. I have never been someone conferrable with praying out loud in a large group, but after putting my own thoughts down and just focusing on The Lord and what he is saying, there is no hesitation about anything. Faith is a big thing I also learned this week. To not have any amount of unbelief in my heart. To fully trust god with all of my life. Even if it means I don’t know what I am doing after this DTS, I know that I serve an amazing God that will never leave me stranded. That will guide my every step, and will fill me and use me.

This past week was about the Nature and Character of God. Who is this God? How can we know God? Why would God want us to know him? Easy questions right? While in class, when the teacher asked us these questions, the whole class was silent. After talking about it, we came to the conclusion that God is the Supreme Being (beyond our thinking), the creator, the alpha and omega, the one beyond human understanding. God wants us to know him to fear him for our own good. He is a jealous God (Deut 5:9) He is asking us to fear and serve him (Deut 10:12). Gods servants are selected from those who fear him (Exodus 18:21). We then began talking, what even is the fear of God? It can be referred to Holy fear. God-given enabling men to reverence Gods authority, obey his commandments, hate and shun all evil. (Jeremiah 32:40, Gen 22:12, Heb 5:7).

When it comes to studying or learning about nature and character of God, it should come to no surprise that it is very hard to describe what God is like. We are created beings attempting to talk about the one who made us. Since he gave us our existence he is in every way greater than we are. The Nature of God, what we can never be while Character of God is what he is that we can also be although not at his level.

This week we had also learned different names of God. Abraham named him Jehovah-Jireh= Lord/Provider (Genesis 22:14). Ezekiel named him Jehovah-Shammah= The Lord is there, the lord is present. (Ezekiel 48:35) Jeremiah named him Jehovah-Tsiakenu= Straight, Righteousness, Justify. (Jeremiah 23:5,63) We learned that God is spirit, not a spirit. That he can see (Gen 1:10). That he can smell (Gen 8:21). That he hears (Exodus 2:24). That he remembers (Gen 8:1). That he will wipe away tears of those who cry (Isaiah 25:8). That he gets angry (Jeremiah 7:18-19). That he can be grieved (Psalms 78:40). And that he can rejoice over you (Isaiah 62:5).

The ability God has given us, no one else has that. You have dreams, fight for them. If you don’t use the ability God has given you, that is pride. You are not nothing, nothing doesn’t exist in this world.

Thank you Jesus for your healing powers, your love, and your amazing grace.

 

Church on Sunday.

One of my favorite things to do here now is take a Moto bike to places. I've always wanted to but have been too scared to do it. So finally I tried it, and for the first time I ripped my skirt. Then I had some of the African girls that we traveling with us sow it up. The second time the man spoke some English and said "I love this so very much" I couldn't help but laugh the whole way there.

Sunday we went to our first church service since being here. We decided to go to a women named Simonia, her church. So we left here at 8am. Took a Moto to a bus station. From there we took a bus to another city ( well we thought we were there and got off. We actually got off too soon) so we got back on a bus and kept going. From that bus station we took another bus to our destination. Which then took us about 3 miles to talk to the church. Lets just say it took over 2 hours traveling. But I loved every adventure that happened. Every hand we shook. Every person that tried to speak English and talk to me. You could see the joy in there faces from a mile away. You could only imagine sitting next to them. And in Africa, we all decided to squish together.

When arriving at church everyone greeted us. Being the only two "Muzungos" in the church, we sat on stage. They danced and sang, we clapped. Later finding out if you say "watermelon" it looks like your singing along lol. In African churches they have more than one pastor. There was about 3 that day that spoke. They asked us to say a word.

The first thing that came to my mind was Exodus 14:13-14 "Moses answered the people," Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance The lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." This passage was very powerful for me when I read it for the first time. I was going through a stressful time and it encouraged me. The Lord is fighting for us. To stand strong and keep your faith! That The Lord is near, even when we don't feel him. He is always there. All we need to do is keep going, keep praying, and He will continue to bless us and answer the promises he has promised. All we need to do is believe!

On the ride back home I was thinking to myself. Do I have that faith in my life at this moment? Being so far from home and being home sick, do I still find my strength in The Lord? I began to renew my mind, my strength, and thoughts as being on the bus. I am thankful for what God has called me to do here. For the strength he has given me to fulfill this calling. To be honest the only way I am able to stay is through him. Now I realize why every time I tried to come back to Africa this past year has failed. Because in my spiritual walk with God, I was not ready. This mission has already stretched me in ways that I never knew were possible. And I have only been here one week.
Thank you Jesus for this opportunity.

Alex and I finally arrived in Africa last night! Sighted a few things on our way here. When you fly international on the airplane, they always feed you. Not just a little bit, but they will wake you up and make you eat a meal every couple hours. So this was our second flight, and they brought out some meat and veggies with rice. It was good but I was so full and tired. The man across the isle literally licked his bowl and plate... needless to say I also finished all of my food. No matter how full I was. I realized often we take for granted the simplest things in life, even if its free food.
When Alex and I got to Brussels, our last flight, we found out the flight was delayed. We were so tired and now had a 7 hour layover instead of only a couple. So we walked around. After trying to go on a walk outside the airport that failed, spending $18 on a small coffee and a yogurt with granola, we decided to go lay down. So yes we ended up sleeping on the airport floor. When waking up this African man asked how my sleep was and chuckled. We started talking and he told me about the Gorillas in Rwanda, and how amazing the city is here. Relationships is what this country has to offer, and its truly what I love.
Saw our sponsored children today. My little 6 year old girl had just gotten over malaria. When I started walking up to her house she rand to me with arms in the air and giggling. Its those giggles I missed. That joy on her face that a million dollars couldn't ever replace. Crazy how such a small country could have your heart. Ill never forget the wisdom a man Doug spoke into my life my first mission trip. He said, " Ashley be careful. The time you serve in Rwanda can capture your stronger than any drug out there." I'm starting to think he was correct...
On the flight here I was reading a book my older sister had got me. It talked about how it isn't logic but an experience that lets us know who Christ is. Unless a man has been born over again he cannot see the kingdom of God. Its one of the peculiarities of Christianity that you can not come to it through intellect. You have to be willing to experience it first, to do something you don't understand. Then oddly enough, understand often follows. It then talks about how people often have pride when it comes to coming to God. You want to come to God in your way. When you will. As you will. Strong and Healthy, Maybe God wants you now, without a shred to recommend you. Often with Christians there is a time of believing then a dry dullness. Was this the way it was meant to be? Were believers supposed to live on memory? Where are the changed lives? Where are the healing's? Where is the belief men will die for?
1 John 3:2 " Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is."